“…a retailer looks at key factors like market growth, margin, cost to serve and ease of operation, shrink risk, returns and exit protection, and broader traffic and spend driving properties.

Video games currently scores poorly on every one.”

So. That bodes well.

Geez, GAME, maybe if you started selling multiple copies to everyone you wouldn’t all be about to loose your jobs. Still, not that it really matters now, it’s probably too late already. Either way, most of their stock seems to be vanishing fast, and we all know they ain’t getting anything new in… Shame, really. If any managers in their dispatch centre read this, you can come work for me. You always were the best pick/packers I ever had the pleasure of purchasing from .

See, their credit rating’s shocking (and you dont even wanna see their share price), and supposedly there’s no cash to pay for anything up front. Which means supplier after supplier is refusing to hand over stock of the latet titles. Which brings me to the point of this post.

Here’s what some suits at Game decided on hearing EA wouldn’t let them sell Mass Effect 3, emphasis mine:

“We know [pre-order customers] will be disappointed regarding Mass Effect in particular, and in recognition of this, we will be contacting our Mass Effect pre-order customers and as a gesture of goodwill we will be offering them £5 of reward card/elite card credit.”

If that’s not clear enough, i’ll spell it out.

You give Game X pounds (in this case £5) to pre order a title.
For whatever reason, Game dont supply the title.
Game keep your £5. End of. I’d love to find the T&Cs for that.

Oh and, because you might complain and cause bad press, out of the goodness of their hearts and supposedly not something theyre legally required to do, they’ll give you £5 credit with them. Credit which we already know isnt in the best of shapes.

Yes, Game customers, you just all became Game creditors.

So thats one reason i’d be staying away from pre orders with them, or anyone for that matter.

Up next, pics of the new office

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Happy days. *g*

Bad enough?

Nope, it gets worse. Much, much worse.

Cheers josh for the heads up. And hi to all iG’s fans in Leeds Grainger Games. Love you really

WHAAAA!!?… Is that an Official N64 controller pad of POWER x 2 ?!!! Ohh yee

Text copied below, as it’ll fall of eBay eventually, a fate it surely deserves better of. Bear in mind this is for simply 2 N64 controllers.

WHAAAA!!?… Is that an Official N64 controller pad of POWER x 2 ?!!! Ohh yee

Approach this listing with utmost fortitude and you will find fortune and favour of the greatest Gods awaits the item’s winner!!!

….For these are no ordinary TWO official N64 controllers, oh no they are not my friend; they are….controllers of (unspecified) POWER.

Legend has it (and some would say hard FACT) that these controllers were crafted by the crippled God Hephaestus himself. That’s right, a Greek God. Not only would he have eaten more fetta than could satiate the occupants of your Saturday Weight Watchers salvation circle, this guy made the fricken armour for ACHILLES. And I mean THE Achilles, not the Brad Pitt trout-pout Achilles. So by bidding on this you are also throwing two middle fingers up at Brad Pitt (extenuating circumstances to Lt. Aldo Raine – epic win), Orlando Bloom (extenuating circumstances to Legolas – epic win), and Eric Bana (extenuating circumstances to Chopper… ultra EPIC win). Pure utilitarian logic therefore follows that the same profuse POWER of that god-awesome armour penetrates every orifice of these pads – and right into where? That’s right: your sweaty little palms…

The keen eyed of you may have noticed that these two controllers you are bidding on are not singular coloured, oh no! No no, my friends; indeed some might call them interracial. These are liberal controllers. Half Blue. Half Red. It’s a fricken HYBRID! Any how you ask? Well, I know it may not be obvious, but I’m not actually a scientist. I can only go on the most educated guess by weighing up all possibilities and coming to a well composed conclusion. And that is that these control pad were made for Mario. That’s right, MARIO. Mario himself has touched and used these controllers. I can hear you now, “of course Mario would own an N64, it all makes so much sense now!”; that’s right. And do you think MARIO would use a granny grey controller? Heeeell no! So just to recap: these controllers were made by the famed Greek God Hephaestus, for Mario, who used them for his own seedy narcissistic pleasure. Mario playing Mario 64. It’s almost sickening. An egotistical Italian? Well I have never…

Okay, so maybe I can’t say for 100% definite that these controllers were used by Mario. But you know what, I can sure as hell tell you who DIDN’T use them: HITLER. Hitler has never used these controllers. Have a look on the other N64 controller listings on ebay – how many of them have said that their controllers have 100% not been used by Hitler? I’ll tell you how many. One. THIS one baby. Say no to Fascism. Do the right thing. Bid now.

Having studied the pictures well, you would have also discovered something special on the back of one of the controllers. An engraving. A name; a story. The story of a boy called “Allen”. Now we can guess much about Allen; we can guess that he had a very greasy, pastey little round face. We can guess that he spent many evenings alone in the dark doting over N64 his Granny bought him for his tenth birthday. We can guess that these controllers were part of an experience that gave little Allen something that no one – not those patronising parents nor even his favourite Granny – could or would ever give him: LOVE. So by buying these pads, you are not just buying pieces of plastic, wiring, electrical chip-boards and irremovable hand-bacteria – you are bidding on histories, stories, memories; you are bidding on love itself. Upon winning this auction, you will find that the most powerful, potent and perplexing emotion imaginable pours over you – the unfathomable love between man and machine that would put Darth Vader and his dirty right to god awful shame.

Now as you can imagine from this famed list of previous users (including myself – GO ego) these pads have been used up like an old sock in a male fraternity house. I’m pretty sure Allen whacked away at them his fair share as well – pun very much intended. HOWEVER, both joysticks are still so damn full of joy they’re stiff like the onset of rigormortis. And very unlike a rigormortis subject, they’re responsive and reciprocal.

Whilst the POWER of these pads is comparable to the undying love between a man and his dog, let us not restrict the conceptual endowments of these controllers to the hysterias of a popular emotional flippancy. I’m talking Kenneth Power’s Power. I’m talking kick you in the face with my tubes just because I hell as well CAN! These controllers are by no means innately violent….but wouldn’t it make you feel that little bit better knowing that you damn well could? Oh, what’s that…. do you feel it too? Do you feel it bubbling up inside you? Some doctors have tried telling me it’s irritable bowel syndrome. Those doctors felt the wrathful carnage of these controllers – they’ll now tell you that feeling is RAW POWER. Say raw. What does it sound like? EXACTLY like? That’s right, ROAR. And what roars? A freaking LION. Need I say more.

So if like every other social being in this world you suffer from innate insecurities, what better way to temporally tranquilize them than by exercising your modest power to bid on this listing and bid for MORE POWER! Some may call this greed. Some might propose the picture of me eating one of the Controllers of Power as a literal analogy of my power-hungriness. Do you know what those people are doing right now? They’re watching; oh no not bidding, but watching. Side-lining. Spectating. Having a sniff. Well here’s some news for you: annoying parents side-line. The fearful and meek spectate. Dogs sniff. The voyeur is an ebay vagrant.

Be bold. Be brazen. Be a WINNER. Bid TODAY.

Questions? Hit me, mutha fo’s.

Oh, and check out any other listings I may have happening. Give it me ya moneeeeeys.

/\ How to bring down a business scam. Which got me thinking, how much evidence can I gather up against my new favourite eBay scammer? Let’s see… TBC.